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My second ever experience with the plant medicine of Ayahuasca took place here in San Marcos Sierras one fine Saturday night in January, with a group of Brazilian/Peruvian-trained modern-day shamans living within a land trust community. A friend, whose husband I had already done Ayahuasca with a year ago, let me know that there was a local group dispensing plant medicine and invited me to go. Since we wanted to find out more about them before joining the ceremony, we agreed to meet their ceremonial leader, Juan, at his home a few days prior, inside what turned out to be the actual ceremonial circle, to ask him some questions about his process and assure ourselves they would create and maintain a safe space for our spiritual work. Within an hour’s time he assured us both that he was part of a well-trained, capable, and more importantly heart-activated and service-oriented local group and international network of medicine men (and women). So we agreed to take part in the overnight ritual of Ayahuasca, forgoing the more extreme kambo treatment.
When I arrived before just sunset, Juan had set up a large fire circle with log and stone backrests for about 20 invitees in a sandy clearing outside his adobe home in the woodlands. But since I had brought a cot to lay on, I felt it best to be outside the circle and away from the fire and smoke. Over the next 2 or 2.5 hours, about 25 more invitees continued to arrive, many from a now finished sweat lodge on a nearby property. At first, I sat on the edge of the circle to be a part of the group energy, but as more people looked for their resting space I went back to my cot to lay down. Juan began smudging everyone upon their arrival, though I noticed he did not smudge everyone the same way. With some he did extra incantations, or specific chakra clearings, or particular exhalations. As the circle filled to capacity, even overflowing, Juan came to me and said he felt it would be best to maintain the energy of the group if I was within the circle. So he led me to a spot next to a single mother with her infant baby. Instinctively I knew that would not work for me and told him so, so he found me a spot a few meters away just outside the circle. Turns out, I was right to be wary about that baby!
The leaders of the healing ceremony were Juan and his wife, a fire keeper who reminded me of a sinewy Na’vi being from the movie ‘Avatar’, a native-looking shaman, and two women who acted as circle guardians. There were also others responsible for maintaining the throw up buckets clean and watching over the sleeping children in the building 10 meters away. Juan waited til almost 11pm to start the ceremony because even more were expected to show up, but never did. With all attendees now settled in place, he finally addressed the group with a welcome and short orientation. At this point, I could barely keep my eyes open I was so ready to drift off, but when I realized that all present would have to introduce themselves briefly, I sat up and waited my turn, yet only said how grateful I was. However, inwardly I was setting my intention for the ceremony to first deepen my connection with the Pachamama, y secondly realize my mission on Earth.
First order of business was the initial administering of Rapé, the fine tobacco powder mixture blown into the nostrils. On this night Rapé was offered before each serving of Ayahuasca brew, but I only took it once. This unusual appetizer provokes in me an intense increase in energy level and sharp focus of the mind. The first blow of Rapé from Juan entered my left nostril and shot straight up to the top of my skull. I didn’t choke or snort, but felt my was brain on fire, and my mental focus quickly narrowed to this. This caused me to hesitate fully inhaling the second blow into my right nostril, which mostly stayed in my nose rather than penetrating my sinuses. That actually caused me a different discomfort, one of mucus rapidly draining from my nose, but at least only one half of my brain was now on fire! This effect lasted about ten minutes, during which many around the circle could be heard hacking and blowing their nose from the mucus-tobacco mix. Later, every time the Rapé would be offered or tobacco used to smudge the circle or applied to the fire, I would experience severe flashbacks to my original inhalation, and shudder violently with any and all exposure. That reaction lasted well into the morning and at various points I resorted to covering my mouth and nose to prevent feeling the Rapé again and convulsing, but it also prevented me from fully reaping the benefits of the extra energy and clarity could provide.
Next came the first of 3 cups of syrupy brew offered this night dispensed in two cups, one to the left of Juan and another to the right. Being directly opposite of Juan and just outside the circle, I was among the last to partake at each serving. The dark tasting concoction seemed so familiar, something akin to homemade syrups from around here cooked down from chañar berries or cactus fruit. Just about the time I headed back to my cot, moaning and groaning could be heard from many nauseous abdomens around the circle, and it was obvious it would be a long night of vomitous purging with this group. For myself, the effect was absolute minimal for quite some time afterwards, and all I could perceive was a slight hallucinogenic effect.
Well after the first dispensing of Ayahuasca, the infant girl of the single mother within the circle began to cry, then scream- and I mean the most terrified primal scream you could ever imagine coming from an infant. While spiritual protection mechanisms were supposedly put in place around and over the circle, part of which I could sense inwardly as a dome of energy over the group, the quantity and quality of violent purging taking place by those packed around the mother-daughter pair were to much for the innocent one to bear and they clearly scared her half to death. This was never truly addressed on the spiritual level by those in charge, who only cooed to the babe and tired to assuage her fears. Never was it suggested that this was no place for one so young without the proper parental protection, of which the mother was clearly incapable. After what seemed like an eternity of shrieking, but was probably more like only 15 min straight – that is 15 min of no one being able to focus on anything else but- the mother realized her baby was not going to relax and stepped out of the circle and went up to the nearby building which housed the kitchen and other sleeping children. Only then did the baby being to sleep again, and even then only for a few minutes. The desperate wailing began again for a couple of minutes before this baby finally fell asleep and everybody could relax into process their once more.
Juan eventually made his way over to me after some time and asked how I was, and I told him I was barely feeling the medicine. But after his wife also came over to check on me, slightly touching me on the arm to rouse me, I realized my Kundalini was beginning to rattle to life and was palpable as a conscious serpentine energy uncoiling itself through my entire body, also increasing the visions I was receiving.
Although I was hovering on the border between this physical world and the next less material ones, as the second cup was proffered I could perceive the baby’s mother was again attempting to rejoin the circle with her in tow to take her portion, and shortly thereafter, as I predicted, the girl again woke up terrified and commenced to let us all know how we all failed her, myself included. I was just just too overwhelmed to voice my opinion in the moment. The mother finally left the baby outside in the care of another woman. [NOTE: To be fair, before publishing this article I consulted Juan about this episode and my perspective and he told me this case was an exception for the single mother with no support, assured me that this same baby was perfectly calm in another ceremony, and that his own young children, always present at these ceremonies, never experience such outbursts. Though, after hearing my concerns and those of others, he will now discourage future attendance of any other child that young not his own.]
Sometime after the second helping was being served, I was already feeling a fuller medicinal effect and was in clear communication with Gaia, so I told her I was unsure if I should remain in my trance or wake myself to take another hit. but she told me that to answer all my queries I would need to imbibe the second copa as well, and maybe even the third. Thus, well after everyone else had already got their second hit, I slowly pulled my self out of my trance state and made my way to the inner circle. That’s when things got really interesting!
It all kicked off with the root chakra clearing, which I experienced as a complete melding of my feet and root chakras into the interdimensional substrate or matrix of our Earth Mother and on into the underworld at her very core. As the sensation of expansion downward and outward first came over me it seemed like I became heavier and I connected to the denser energies of the lower kingdoms of the first and second dimensions. It scared me a bit at first, this feeling of pressure and density, but the liquid warmth and nurturing connection that came with it overcame any doubts I had that I was in the welcoming arms of Gaia herself. I began to wonder, since my first goal was to commune more deeply with this planetary consciousness, if she had a unique language to communicate with. Then it dawned on me that I was already communicating in her language, the language of density, communion, and penetrating warmth. Eventually she began to counsel me in my own tongue o certain matters. I soon began to sense in my spirit how she felt for all the lifeforms on and inside her bodies and sense the loving energetic connection between all of it. It felt like heaven on Earth, and my heart chakra began to blossom!
I should interject here to mention the repeated use of healing music between medicinal doses in our ceremonial process, in stark contrast to other Ayahuasca ceremonies. A good analogy is going to work at the Fortune 500 corporate office where no music is played and its just all business while you work head down in your cubicle, or joining the hot startup company with no desk partitions where playing all kinds of music is encouraged to increase productivity. In this case, it was not just any music, but folk music specifically addressing the use of various medicinal plants within this community and culture, as well as inviting the spirits of Pachamama and Kundalini to join us. Group chanting or drumming did not take place the whole night, only this unique (to me, anyways) guitar music and singing of Juan (and eventually others as well) which invoked the coiled goddess to spiral up and dance in delight within my sacrum, and repeatedly activated me subconsciously in a way that my conscious mind could actually perceive while in at semi-conscious yet lucid state. My Kundalini really began to stir into action yet in a much stronger way than I had ever known before. It was noticeably more serpentine in nature (thin and slithery with scales, almost Cobra-like yet rattling) and began to unwind through various parts of my body from the feet up.
Next, I began to feel the sexual component of the second (navel) chakra and the connections between root/navel chakras of myself and others. Maybe Ill keep that part private, and just mention that I never had astral sex like that before- so primal, so vivid and intense, so uninhibited- and it also felt mutual, not at all projected or forced. Like how we could all interact naturally without our conditional social norms inhibiting us for various reasons.
As this experience of carnal and spiritual desire began to fade into the background, I began to commune more directly with the serpent entity that had exposed its essence within my body. Although she used my language to speak with me, just as did the Pachamama, I interpreted her particular language as one that always communicated energy in motion, constant rapid movement, and purposeful action. This led to an intense process of self discovery, introducing me to other stations of identity and training me in the Dark Arts to recognize the various energetic implants and emotional blocks within my physical and spiritual bodies, primarily lodged in the solar plexus chakra. The whole time I felt I was in clear and conscious connection with the planetary consciousness, as well as with the universal spirit of Kundalini, but I never felt a discernable communication with the actual plant spirit of Ayahuasca herself.
In the middle of the night I was again awakened by the sounds of anxiousness, but this time of multiple voices in awe of what the were claiming was 3 small stars perfectly aligned in the sky and moving rapidly towards the partially hidden moon, whereupon reaching it they reportedly blinked out of sight. I pulled myself out from my trance state and tried to focus my blurry eyes before it was too late, but saw nothing unusual, as half the group had claimed. Darn!
What I was able to clearly see, and all night long, were cascades of vibrant rainbow-hued colors prancing in my inner vision. More than I had ever witnessed in any other healing or activation.
Around this same time, but unclear when exactly, I became aware of 3 strange faces revealing themselves before my closed eyes. Now for whatever reason, probably due to the aforementioned interruptions, my recall of the details and order of these appearances is the most unclear and confusing of all my experiences this night:
- A Pleadian, I think, was the first to introduce itself to me. I still don’t their recall name or gender.
- another reptilian-like, maybe Draco, being also materialized in form,
- and finally, a blue-faced ET being with wide eyes also appeared. And when I asked it to identify itself or where it was from, it responded Arcturus!
Since I cant recall further details of our meetings, I can only assume I was integrating various of my other stellar identities stationed in other timelines and/or dimensions.
For hours I continued to lay in a semi-comatose state all while being shaken and stirred by the serpent’s snaking through my system to loosen energetic blockages and refill the new vacancies. I continuously convulsed in quick bursts as the sinewy being bared my soul, even revealing the 7 infamous deadly sins and how they affected me, and so much more. One major issue was an awareness of the various consequences related to my life-long infatuation with porn. I was shown exactly how the women in the images were only used as pawns to harvest the mental and astral energy I invested in them to feed astral entities, among others. And was warned that a sovereign soul could not partake in such actions without harming itself and accruing negative karma. I was then unplugged from the astral connections, my mind was then emptied, and I was advised to delete any and all traces of porn from my computer and life.
These kind of clearings lasted at least half the night, during which I was never able to really sleep, instead one by one I had lucid visions and conversations detailing my theretofore hidden issues and blockages and removing them one by one. Another example of many, was finding my awareness present at the construction site of a friends mother’s house, then seeing the last meeting with her and asking what it all meant. I was told by Kundalini that this person had harmed me by reacting to something I wrote to her son and had corded me severely with negative energy. I was even shown the specific effects within my bodies and how to remove it all. This healing vision was only one in a repeated process of locating energetic knots within my solar plexus, addressing the underlying issues within my psyche and troubled ego enabling them to drain my energy, and then surgically removing them with my mind and hands, something referred to as psychic surgery. I should add that at NO time did I have the need or desire to vomit or even relieve myself during the ceremony There was a moment when it became obvious that I needed to purge something from deep within, but Kundalini assured me that it was not necessary to vomit to do it, instructing me to just leave my mouth open and breathe deeply through it to give all negativity another way out of my system as it came up to be released.
In this way, I delved deeply into in the solar plexus working through layers upon layers and levels, guided by the spirit with my left hand to palpate masses of negative Archontic energy until I could palm them then releasing them; my mind inwardly guided to replace the excised miasms with a keyword implant representative of its opposite sentiment, as my working hand finally moved the energy out and down my body into the underworld.
As each issue was cleared, I felt some cranial stimulus like a memory wipe taking place in my mind where I could no longer visualize or place any conscious awareness on that problem. It’s like it was completely deleted from the hard drive of my brain! Although, I was cautioned by Kundalini that revisiting the image or issue would likely lead to reprogramming that pattern in my mind. It is said that with greater power comes greater responsibility. For those reasons and probably more it was communicated to me that having now received the powerful healing from this ceremony, I could never backslide in certain issues like this again without experiencing even graver spiritual consequences that would be better to never have to face.
Eventually, I arrived at a place in the process where all else had been removed save a few stubborn ego driven fears, the last and worst. The serpentine goddess suggested I let her kill my ego and rebirth me anew in her lithely and flexible image, but for some reason I was unwilling to really release some core issues related to physical survival and something else I don’t recall now. And this resistance of mine (really the ego’s) prevented the goddess from replacing all I was used to being for 48 years, which was holding me back today from realizing my final destiny. She even told me so, saying that until I could release these last core issues, perhaps during a future Ayahuasca ceremony, I would never truly realize my full potential in this life (which was shown to me internally as full glandular/hormonal activation, full brain hemisphere synchronization, and full third eye opening/activation), but which I was to get a glimpse of later in the morning…
Monadic Integration = Divine Purpose
Many of us cannot manifest our divine purpose and destiny projects until this alignment and embodiment of our Oversoul or Monad transpires. Our divine purpose is part and parcel of our divine consciousness and we cannot manifest purpose without our spirit intelligence embodied. Many of us have been searching for our “purpose” when we actually should be working to free and embody our spiritual bodies. We cannot live our true purpose until we are embodied in our Monadic spirit intelligence.
Those poised for stewardship in the next cycle as a part of the “changing of the guard” cannot be corrupted, damaged or deluded that we are in possession or ownership of anything material. The Oversoul/Monad intelligence is able to direct resources without personal agenda… There is no Negative Ego bargaining or superimposing of personal will allowed – ever. There can be no continued “lies of omission”, self-delusion or lack of clarity in any circumstance of our relationships that had created confusion in our lives. We must see all that has been hidden in the shadow and put it all on the altar before God…
Though hidden behind the densely cloud-laden horizon, the morning sun began to shine around 7am, bringing with it a cacophony of bird songs and insect chirps. While within the circle, bodies began to stir and voices began to chatter, though I still lay in a ophidian-induced stasis, impulsed to action only by the quivering whip of the python energy in my meridians and the occasional whipping of my hips to her unpredictable scale and rhythm, and Juan’s final call for the participants to gather and share their observations and sentiments. At which point, I struggled to free my conscious mind from the restorative grasp of the kundalini just long enough to join hands within the circle and again offer my thanks for the opportunity and gift of plant medicine, before lurching back onto the cot and falling once more into a spiritual daze.
As others gathered their wits and belongings before heading off, the group leaders began to collectively worry about my process and repeatedly came over to ask if I was OK, but hardly having any use of my vocals cords I could barely explain to them that there was nothing to worry about as I was in deep communion with Gaia, and please, just let me finish my process. This brought a quizzical response from Juan’s wife, who replied that her daughter was named Gaia, after which I had to assure her I was with the planetary Gaia and not hers.
A long time after daylight first broke, I felt the process of psychic self surgery began to’ wind down’ (pun intended) until there were no more resolvable issues to release and the serpentine goddess began to so briefly release her steely grip, while still sending me into occasional shuddering fits with every tail whip or whiff of Rapé smoke. As the morning progressed so did the proliferation of noisy and probing flies homing in on the ripe scent of Ayahuasca vomit around the fire circle. With that provocation, I pulled myself up to sit on the cot with head bent over with my elbows on my legs and put my feet on the ground, but had little strength or desire to exert myself further. While regaining consciousness, the stinging fire ants began to climb my sandals and forced me to put socks on til I could move farther away.
It was around this time the sun finally broke free from its curtain of dark morning clouds and shone full force into the left half of my face. I turned my head slightly toward it to receive its full glo-rays and with it my third eye opened even further and I could perceive its spiritual light as kaleidoscopic geometric light forms, the language of the spiritual sun, that danced and swirled in my inner vision.
Slouched over but with head directed at the brilliant orb above me, my hand chakras began to channel extreme amounts of solar and cosmic charge, which then self directed down into the Earth as if magnetized by her, via my fingers and hands that hung over my knees frozen in place. My feet chakras also activated further, and core energy rose upwards through my legs til I felt like I was caught in an intimate embrace between the Solar Logos and his wife, the planetary logos of Earth, Gaia. I soon came to realize this was a dance of supreme love, a cosmic communion. I (little old me!) was first an innocent witness to, and now an official mediator of, the electrical rays of our solar father and the magnetic force of our terrestrial mother; channeling both through my activated light body and own awakened crystal lotus heart center into my seed atom. The energy from the sun seemed much more forceful than that I was receiving from the ground up, almost as if the frequencies coming through me were impregnating the very soil beneath me. A heavenly lovemaking it was and I was somehow the child of this planetary rod and staff spiritual union, the product of their Hieros Gamos. Within my mind and body I was integrating these two powerful Holy Mother-Father deities and fusing their monadic energies to become and do something much more than I had known I was or could do or be until this day, a Kristic solarian being.
To read more about a solarian being, please read the article, ‘Braiding the Self’.
For a long time I was locked in this hunched over position, just steadfastly anchoring the glorious sacred union frequencies into my slightly overwhelmed system. Juan came over again, as did others too, who had noticed I was stuck in channeling and not interacting with the group. As I explained what was happening to Juan, he understood I was still in my fantastic process and was amazed at my tale. He also asked if I had the urge to vomit or defecate at all during the process, and I said no. He indicated that this spoke to my level of energetic preparedness. With that, they finally convinced to at least eat some grapes and drink more water to ground me back into my body. Still, it was a long while before I felt secure enough to stand on two feet and even then I could barely move forward. My head was energetically expanded around the crown like a big weighty watermelon. As the solar-gaian fusion began to subside within me I gathered enough gumption to stand and waddle around just trying to keep my feet under me. I continued staggering around in large circles like a child trying to learn how to walk for the first time, only I remembered that I already walked. Talking took even longer. I did countless circles around the fire circle and yard all the while centering and grounding my Hara line into the Earth’s core chakra and slowing increasing my pace til I could comfortably navigate with ease the varying undulations in the yard’s landscape. After half the group had already left, I finally made it out to the street where I picked up more straight-line speed, but was inwardly cautioned not to try running yet. I briskly strolled back to the circle, gathered up my belongings and took them to the car, but still did not leave as felt I could not drive. As others eventually approached me to find out my story, I realized I still did not have full command of my vocal chords, making it difficult to share. I intuited that this was also an important part of my recovery, so to speak (pun intended), so I continued pacing while also now toning to bring more awareness into my throat, just as I had into my legs.
Around 9:45am, as the rest were deciding if they would spend the day in Rio Quilpo I finally felt safe enough to drive home, so I said my goodbyes and thank yous and by 10am I was (slowly) cleaning the pool for our guests on that sweltering morning, all the while reveling still in the glory that was my second grand adventure with the plant medicine known as Ayahuasca.